Fat Folx: You Are Not Responsible for the Re-education of Health Trolls

Last month I wrote a couple of blog entries about my experience living in a larger body, specifically about dealing with my somewhat clueless doctor and a ridiculously out-of-line massage therapist. These experiences resonated with many of my readers and I received quite a bit of appreciation from people who have experienced or witnessed fat bias and health trolling. Among such wonderful feedback, I also received this public comment from a somewhat estranged family-friend that was rather troubling. 

I love you and we are miles apart on this topic. I agree with much of what you say regarding the bias, but my training in Exercise Physiology (and my own history with weight gain and loss) is not on the same page with much of what you say on the physiology side of things. This topic and your history are complex, but I think we should chat sometime, so I can better understand your perspective and also offer you another viewpoint. 

I could hear the swish and flap of red flags waving as he breathed these words of concerned curiosity on my Facebook post. His commentary smacked of self-importance and the politely repressed anticipation of proving me wrong in the name of Science and the spirit of Dialogue. 

I was almost tricked into thinking this person actually cared about what I had to say and was interested in dialoguing further because while we may not see eye to eye, his response ended with an invitation to discuss these differences further. But if he was truly interested in understanding my perspective, wouldn't he have privately messaged me instead of very publicly performed his dubiousness surrounding my thoughts on being fat? Why perform this public display of dissent among so many affirming comments and shared stories?

As I composed my message to him, I realized that I had absolutely no interest in discussing any of this further with him nor to educate him about fat bias, mental health, and Health At Every Size. If my assessment of his personality and this situation was correct, he just wanted to tell me that I'm wrong and he's right and prove to me that he knows better than me. Here is how I responded:

I appreciate your offer and hope it will hold until I have the emotional energy to have that conversation. To be completely honest, I am just not in a place to fairly listen to the other side right now. Also, I feel like I've had the other side crammed down my throat for my entire life. However, if you can offer any readings you find helpful, I'd probably better be able to digest those. If you're truly interested in the viewpoints I mentioned, I'd recommend reading Anti-Diet and looking up the Minnesota Starvation study, as well as the 4th edition of Intuitive Eating. I also have an academic paper that has been recommended for sharing with health professionals. 

I figured if he was dedicated to showing me his truth, he could point me in the direction of the readings he found the most informative and maybe I would take a look. I doubted very much that he was as interested in understanding the work my perspective is rooted in; nonetheless, I offered him titles of the texts I've found most influential in my 2021 quest to deprogram myself from body shame and Diet Culture.

I sidestepped his passive-aggressive demand that I defend my experiences and I called his bluff on wanting to understand my viewpoint. I've been doing the work; if he wants to dive deeper into the beliefs, history, science, and studies of weight, diet, and exercise, then he is going to have to do his own work. So when he responded that he does not have any specific readings or research to recommend and that he does not have the desire to read anything, I was not surprised. A little disappointed, but not surprised.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of defending our experiences as people living in larger bodies in a world that is designed for those living in average bodies. 

But how can we begin to explain the isolation we feel when we have to wedge our substantial hips and bottoms between the constricting arms of waiting room chairs, wait as nurses search for the bigger blood pressure cuff that will actually fit around our biceps, and wince when we see the markings in our charts labeling us as "morbidly obese"? 

And how can we convey the frustration and anger we feel when we are constantly told that everything that ails us would be cured if we were not fat: that our pain, injuries, and illness are our own fault; that character flaws like weakness and lack of willpower are the reason we are fat.

We are constantly told that, if we just tried harder, we could fix all of our problems by shrinking ourselves. 

But we are people, not problems to be fixed. 

We are not broken, our healthcare system is.

We don't need to be fixed, the healthcare system does.

We don't need to be fixed, our society does.